Throughout history, breasts have inspired, confounded and entertained. But how much do we really know about the development of these majestic, fleshy orbs? What follows is a helpful timeline highlighting great moments in the glorious history of boobs.
The development of human breasts is necessitated by evolution. Evolution clearly knows what it's doing. 1.6 million B.C.
30 BC Hot Egyptian ruler Cleopatra is bitten in the boob by an asp. Long line forms to suck out the venom.
Intoxicated, vision-impaired pirates inadvertently discover nipple piercing. 1680
1776 This year marks the first recorded use of the term "booby hatch" for an insane asylum. What this has to do with boobs we have no idea, but we do not discriminate when it comes to boobs.
The first Mardi Gras parade takes place in New Orleans, consisting of one float, some cheap beads, and innumerable bare bosoms. 1839
1885 The Statue of Liberty arrives in New York Harbor possessing the largest boobs seen in America up to that point.
The T-shirt finds widespread acceptance. Oddly, wet T-shirt contests don't catch on until the latter part of the century. 1917
1922 The Maidenform company is founded, starting the convention of naming cup sizes A through D. The practice of "bra stuffing" quickly renders this measurement system meaningless.
The Grand Tetons are named by French trappers. Grand Tetons means "big boobs." It's the last time in history the French showed good judgment. 1929
1937 The Hindenburg bursts into flames and crashes. Historians note that, in retrospect, the Hindenburg looked a lot like a giant, floating boob.
Duct tape is created to keep moisture out of military ammunition cases during World War II. In time, it is used to create the illusion of more cleavage, mostly by beauty pageant contestants. 1941
1943 Howard Hughes designs a "cantilevered" bra for Jane Russell to wear in "The Outlaw." Giant boobs have been involved in making movies ever since.
Dolly Parton is born in Locust Ridge, Tennessee. Big boob jokes go mainstream. 1946
1953 The first issue of "Playboy" hits newsstands, offering the world a wide variety of boobs. That is, if you consider "big" and "airbrushed" the same thing as "a wide variety."
The first breast augmentation surgery is performed. Deemed to be first undeniable proof there is a God. 1962
1963 Bra burning becomes a symbol of the women's liberation movement. Unleashed hooters somehow make the women's liberation movement less annoying.
Farrah Fawcett-Majors poses for a poster in her swimsuit, inspiring bad hairstyles, anorexia and palm callouses around the globe. 1976
1977 "Three's Company" debuts. Suzanne Somers' nipples become first celebrity body parts in history to demand their own publicist.
Phoebe Cates removes her bathing suit top in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." The price of Kleenex stock surges. 1982
1983 The Hooters restaurant chain is launched, making lecherous ogling a "family-friendly" activity.
Madonna dons a conical bra for her "Blond Ambition" tour, accomplishing the impossible. She manages to make boobs boring. 1990
1992 Pamela Anderson debuts on "Baywatch." Boobs reach an unprecedented level of popularity.
The Wonderbra takes the fashion world by storm. Women's rights activists present passionate arguments asserting the bra encourages men to objectify women. Men are so distracted, all they hear is "blah, blah, blah." 1994
1995 "Seinfeld" episode airs featuring the "Bro," a bra for men. Inexplicably, John Madden, Pavarotti and Marlon Brando are unavailable for comment.
The video game "Tomb Raider" debuts, featuring top-heavy adventurer Lara Croft. Gives a whole new meaning to the term "handling one's joystick." 1996
1997 In the popular "Austin Powers" movie, Fembots use breasts as weapons. In actuality, women have been doing this since 1.6 million BC
A Florida man sues a strip club claiming exotic dancer Tawny Peaks' 60-inch HHH bosom caused him to suffer whiplash. Defense lawyers are paid with a large stack of one dollar bills reeking of cheap perfume. 1998
1999 Pamela Anderson has her 36DD breast implants removed, returning her to a 36C. The male population of the planet collectively utters, "Whuh?"
A Brazilian woman is shot during a confrontation between police and drug dealers and is saved by her silicone breast implants. Implants are no longer just visually appealing, but are also a "personal safety measure." 2003
2003 With his delusional antics, the Iraqi Information Minister puts Lady Liberty to shame and becomes the biggest boob anyone's ever seen.
Janet Jackson suffers a "wardrobe malfunction" at Super Bowl XXXVIII. America has yet to fully recover from the "fallout." 2004
Have you seen pictures of normal non-sexual breasts?
A huge proportion of American women are not happy with their breasts - most of them only because the warped media images make them feel they "should" have big and perky breasts with an adolescent-type small nipple and areola. To reassure you that there is no reason to worry, these breast pictures are here to let you see normal breasts - big, small, sagging, asymmetrical; big areolas or nipples. Truly, female breasts come in all kinds of sizes and shapes.
In fact, having asymmetrical breasts, where one is bigger than the other, is very very common. Also as we all know, size varies a lot. Some women have practically a flat chest, but even they can breastfeed just fine, which is what the breasts are for anyway. Some have more of a bust, and the mere weight of the breasts can cause them backaches. According to statistics published in the Journal for Sex Research (vol. 24, pp. 177-183), almost 60% of women have the bra cup size of A or B (A-cup 15%, B-44%, C-28%, D-10%). Of course, the size is not constant but varies with pregnancy, breastfeeding, and during the menstrual cycle.
Many young people growing up never see what normal natural breasts look like, and influenced by the media, think they have to stand nearly upright. Women are caused to think that the pert big breasts are ideal and so many women (about 334,000 in the year 2004 according to American Society of Plastic Surgeons) opt for breast implants to 'correct' their breasts. Most teenage girls worry and fret over their breast development, some even to the point of suicide - which is a very sad comment on how American culture is influencing young people.
While young adolescent immature breasts do usually have a perky look, the mature breast (one that has gone through the changes during pregnancy & breastfeeding) often assumes more of a hanging position. And even if you never become pregnant, your breasts will eventually (usually during peri-menopause or menopause) undergo a process called breast involution, where the glandular and connective tissue is replaced by fat tissue. It actually is easier to have your baby nursing on your lap when your breasts aren't pointing high up in the air in their perkiness. Even for health's sake we should not wish that women's breasts stay firm and perky - studies have shown that denser breasts (those with less fatty tissue) are associated with higher breast cancer risk.
Purpose of breasts
Friend, breasts were designed to feed babies - not to be some kind of 'turn-on' objects, special obsession points for men. Judging from the advertisements, one would think that men are supposed to be "all ready" the instant they see a flash of a nipple. The media images are so screwed up!
Just in comparison, do you think a bull is interested in the cow's udder when it wants to mate?
Now, we are not saying that men can't appreciate woman's breasts as feminine and beautiful body parts (like ornaments), or that breasts wouldn't take part in the man/woman relationship. We're saying let breasts be like legs and hips and neck and face etc. and all the other body parts - not some almost like inanimate objects that automatically 'click men's brains' to the 'turn on' mode.
It's not men's fault though, if they think so, because they have been culturally conditioned to see it that way. The image created by television, magazines, and the surrounding culture is that breasts are a taboo, always supposed to be hidden. That just feeds the curiosity, sometimes leads to total breast obsession in men, and makes women embarrassed of breastfeeding.
People don't think anything about seeing animals nurse their young; why would it be different when human mothers breastfeed?
Consider the fact that about 100 years ago women's ankles turned men on. And tiny feet were a fetish for Chinese men in times past. All kinds of parts of female body have been inspiring to men during history and in various cultures. In today's world, breasts have been turned into a similar fetish and taboo in US society and others influenced by it.
The cure
If everyone -men and women alike- was used to going without their top, like some primitive tribes did and like some Africans still do, no one would consider bare breasts as anything special. If even just topless beaches were commonplace, it would make everyone know how these feeding organs look like, and pornographic magazines would lose a lot of their readership And if breastfeeding was very commonplace - ALSO in public - children would naturally learn what breasts are for and what they look like.
Then, girls' and women's worries about breast size and shape would be drastically reduced. Men wouldn't have to be obsessed by the topic. Breasts could return to their role as feeding organs and as beautiful feminine body parts just like lips, hips, eyes, and legs. |
